Hmm, My first ever text post.
Fuck it i know what to write after much deliberation. Knowing know one will ever see this. Knowing full well im going to spend the next 5-8mins write my feelings out into word format, for no reason.
Im in complete and utter, Blissful yet Bewildering Love. I’m in an unblemished love affair with a woman that doesn’t even know it. I Cant sleep without thoughts of he leaking through, Into my unstable dreams. I try so hard not to think of her the way i do.
She is straight. She loves man. There inst a chance in hell for me to change her mind.
THIS IS WHAT KILLS ME
Everyday i see her. Her smile. Everyday i see her. I get to see the way her noses crinkles when she laughs, She even gets though’s little laughter lines. I have to pretend everyday in classes that i don’t have the thought of making her Mine. I Have to learn that i can never hold her, The way i want to. I can never, when people look at her, Be proud to say she is mine.
I dont get to be the girl, to wipe her tears of pain when She
crys. I dont get to be the girl that, Makes her soup and hot water bottles when shes ill. That will all be some other love. Someone that gets to hold what i love, Without know how truly special she is.
When she hugs me,I have to let go. Pretending that i dont hold though’s moments for thousands of moments after. Waiting tilla new moment arises.
Then when she smiles at me, I have to act like my world does collaspe around me. I have to prtend that she doesnt knock the air from my lungs.
It might not seem like much to some.
But after the jokes i used to make about unrequited love.
I now know, It is no game, No laughs. Its pain